My big resolution for this year is simply to draw more: not just the stuff I'm obliged to draw but to accept more challenges, stretch certain atrophying muscles (like at Toon Weekly) and do more just for fun, like this.


Apropos of nothing, I witnessed a glorious incident on the bus from Glasgow through to Linwood (paradise!) on Saturday night. I had my 'phones in, so can't swear to every word that was spoken but the essentials were clear enough.

Every four minutes or so I was aware of shouting from the rear of the bus. It was so regular and incessant that I assumed it was coming from a Tourette's sufferer. As Paisley Road West shaded into Glasgow Road, however, the shouter made his way to the front where I could see him and it became apparent he was just a drunken arse, swigging from some alcopop or other. Late twenties, I'd say, but pretty nondescript. Just another Buckie-soaked Weggie.

Anyway, from his seat that's facing away from the bus door and towards everyone else, he starts directing comments to a younger guy and his girlfriend two rows down. Not quite a goth, but a willowy black-clad chap with an umbrella (always an open invitation to forensic examination from Glasgow wags in my experience, along with hat wearing). Between these two is an elderly woman, who's clearly not comfortable being in the middle of the exchange. She gets off at the next available stop, and Alcopop makes a move to do the same. It's at this point that something is said by Umbrella, probably a parting shot or a warning to leave the woman alone.

Alcopop turns on his heel, gets in Umbrella's face, says something else (I'd imagine insulting) and gets right back in his seat, facing the young couple with a typical wide-o expression and posture that made it clear they'd be enjoying his company for as long as they stayed on the bus, and probably afterwards. Alcopop had made two crucial miscalculations in his boozey fugue.

1- The collective will of the entire bus had turned against him.
2- Umbrella may have been slender of frame, but was a good foot and half taller than him.

Within a second of retaking his seat, Alcopop was bodily dragged from his chair by Umbrella with a hearty "Get tae fuck!", and was halfway out the door that the driver had casually and wordlessly opened. Alcopop braced himself in the doorway, at which point a female voice behind me shouted "Remember he's got a bottle!", i.e. an impromptu weapon. Quick as a wink, a stocky, pierced, camo type bloke gets up, takes Alcopop by the ankles and "wheelbarrows" him out onto the street.

The driver promptly shut the door, and by the time Alcopop had got back to his feet the bus was pulling away, filling with cheers and applause. All he could do was stand with both hands pointing and the classic pinched mouth, eyebrow raised expression of thwarted bams everywhere. Camo got pats on the back, Umbrella- I can safely assume- later got laid.