It's been quite a week in the British courts, demonstrating either an unprecedented confidence on the part of defence lawyers or a new-found tolerance among judges for unutterable bullshit.

First up we hear from a bloke who'd have us believe that he did not kill a girl but did have sex with her freshly-slaughtered corpse, noticing neither her multiple bloody wounds nor her cold, unresponsive state.

Then we hear from a London shop-keeper whose son died in a car crash a while back, along with a girlfriend. You probably didn't read about it. Anyway, this man appears to live in a Britain lifted straight out of an episode of The Avengers, complete with shadow-governments, psycho blue-bloods and secret agents masquerading as television reporters.

However my star is the least-reported of the bunch, a postie in Perth up for drink-driving charges. His defence? Normal rules shouldn't apply to him, because he's a mutant.

It's begun! Homo superior is here! Choose a side! I'm with Magneto!